Asserting Ownership - Posing
We all have our personal hangups, submissives and Dominants alike. There is nearly always something that we see in our physical selves of which we do not approve and therefor believe that others will not accept in us either. Maybe its a tummy that we feel is not flat enough or an ass and thighs we think are too large. Perhaps it is too much body hair, breasts that we feel are too small or labia too large. Perhaps it is stretch marks, loose skin, rolls at our waistline, or any number of other aspects of our physique that do not align with the Madison Avenue view of the “perfect body.” Often these hangups hold us back from fully experiencing our openness and sexuality with another human being. Ultimately they rob us of our happiness and fulfillment.
As a Dom, I choose a woman as my submissive who has many traits that I find attractive. First and foremost she must have an intelligent, inquisitive and sexy mind that is accompanied by a quick wit and a pleasing sense of humor. Secondly she must have a beautiful and expressive face. When my Muse masturbates for my pleasure, it is not her body and wantonly exposed sex that draw my attention but rather the lust in her eyes and the needy expressions on her face that keep me riveted and turn me on the most. Lastly, having fulfilled all the aforementioned traits, I seek a woman with a body that I find sexy and appealing. That does not mean having cover girl proportions, where every piece and part fit a particular advertising executive’s specification. No, for me it is an overall effect that I seek. Often it is not size but rather how she moves that captures my attention. I do no see a collection of individual parts but rather the impression as a whole.
One of the first barriers to having an open and passionate D/s relationship is being comfortable with our own bodies and having full confidence that our partner finds us attractive, desirable and accepts us as we are. As a Dominant, I not only want to take full ownership of my submissive’s heart and mind, but also her body. To accomplish that, she needs to learn to see herself as I see her; as a beautiful, sexy and desirable being.
The first step in that process is of course giving earnest compliments; not hollow flattering pickup lines but rather, heartfelt sharing of how I see her and how she makes me feel. Usually this results in all manner of blushing and self deprecating responses. That is not acceptable to me. I am a Dominant and if I believe that you, as my submissive, are a most beautiful and desirable woman then I expect that you will say thank you and not contradict me by cutting yourself down or otherwise demeaning yourself. The first thing we do is eliminate negative self-talk. Rule number one.
The next step is intended to take my submissive right out of her comfort zone. To do this, I may ask her to pose for me as I take pictures of her in various states of undress. When I have a collection of pictures that I particularly like, I then assign her the task of telling me three things in each picture that she likes about herself and thinks are attractive. She is not to repeat herself. I then follow up by telling her what I see that is most attractive in her. If my submissive and I live far apart from each other as is the case with my Muse, I have her take self-portraits in various positions and states of undress and share them with me, giving descriptions for each one of what she sees as attractive and beautiful in herself. I respond in kind.
This is often very difficult for a new submissive and the acceptance and self-will it takes to overcome a fear of being vulnerable is in itself an act of devotion and service. The mere fact that she is doing something that is difficult and that at heart she really does not want to do, but does it for me, is a firm step toward her complete devotion and ultimate assertion of my ownership. Eventually, as my submissives’ comfort grows through practice and repetition, a gradual realization begins to dawn that her insecurities are safe with me and indeed groundless in my eyes. We move on to greater tasks.
Because my Muse and I are geographically separated, maintaining an atmosphere of Dominance and submission on a daily basis is both challenging and crucial to the health of our relationship. To keep her service to me at the forefront of her thoughts, and to appeal to her desire to serve and be pleasing, I require several routine tasks on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. One of these is a requirement to pose for me daily in self-portraits and share the results with me. This continually asserts my ownership of her body, gives her a daily touchstone for serving and pleasing me, and routinely reinforces just how much I desire and appreciate her body.
Every night, without fail, my Muse is required to take and send me pictures of herself in various states of undress from partially clothed to fully nude. Each morning I awake to the product of her efforts, dutifully emailed to me overnight, and it never fails to please me and start my day off on a very happy note. On the occasions when she has missed what we call her “daily devotion” it makes me very sad and she knows this. Punishment for failure to complete her task is rarely if ever required because she knows just how much it hurts my feelings to wake up and not see her daily devotion awaiting me. Knowledge that she has displeased me is far greater punishment than anything I could dole out. She is very consistent and reliable in completing her daily pictures.
When we are together in-person the act of posing for daily self-portraits goes away but is replaced by other more intimate practices. I still have her pose for me, just not with a camera in hand. There are moments that make for a perfect tableau; scenes in which I just want to stop time, capture in my mind, and relish for a little while. Perhaps it is when she is standing in the shower, or leaning over the vanity toward the mirror putting on makeup. Perhaps it is when she is brushing her beautiful long hair while gazing out the window. These are moments that I just want to freeze and wander freely through. In these tableaus my submissive is indeed posing; not freezing like some street corner human statue art, but just staying where she is for a time doing what she is doing. I simply want to take in the scene, drink her with my eyes, run my hands over her form, appreciate and memorize the moment. Unlike her pictures, here I can appreciate her with all my senses…not simply my eyes.
Ultimately in the world of D/s posing leads to presentation, where a submissive assumes a specified position upon command and presents herself for visual appreciation and perhaps even physical use. But before a submissive can feel truly free and comfortable to lose herself in the submission of presentation she must first be relieved of the torturous bondage of physical insecurities and self deprecation. Posing on command for a Dominant is not only an act of submission and service but also a process of learned self-acceptance. Carrying this to an extreme, sufficient confidence can eventually be gained to not only bare one’s body to a Master but also to (anonymously) expose oneself to a more public audience in the knowledge that you are beautiful, desirable and worthy in the eyes of many.
Posing: it breaks down barriers, cements submission, builds confidence, and pleases me no end.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image Credit Unknown